There was a moment in that seminar when the speaker locked eyes with the crowd and said, “Love doesn’t die. It erodes—one unmet need at a time.”
It made me rethink everything.
We talk about relationships like they’re all about love, but there are things to know about them that no one warns you about—until it’s too late.
I’m Claire Delli Santi, relationship dynamics expert and senior editor at Sons of Universe. After years of studying psychology, I’ve uncovered 11 brutally honest truths about relationships you’ll wish you knew sooner.
Let’s get into the ones that matter most.
And if, understanding what makes relationships work (or fall apart) intrigues you, you’ll want to check out this guide on different relationship dynamics and how they really function.
Key Nuggets
- Love doesn’t die—it erodes. The real killer isn’t fights; it’s unmet needs that pile up silently until love feels hollow.
- The honeymoon phase is a trap. If the highs are extreme, so will be the lows—and they’ll drain your soul.
- You can’t fix them—stop trying. Love isn’t a rehab center; if they don’t want to change, you’re wasting time.
- Emotional neglect is slow poison. Like a leaky faucet, the little dismissals drain you—until one day, you wake up empty.
What makes a relationship healthy: 11 key traits
1) Pain
Love is not an unpleasant experience. Growth is difficult, but a strong relationship should never drain your mental health or make you question your self-worth. If you’re losing sleep, feeling emotionally exhausted, or stuck in circular conversations, it’s time to reassess if this is truly a healthy relationship.
2) Spot the lesson.
Every romantic relationship, friendship, or even casual dating experience comes with a lesson. The hardest part? Seeing through the emotions and recognizing when an experience is helping you grow—or just repeating unhealthy patterns. Successful couples learn from mistakes, adjust, and don’t let the past dictate their future happiness.
3) Unconditional love
Unconditional love is exactly that: unconditional. But let’s be real—it’s not an excuse for abusive behavior or neglecting healthy boundaries. A perfect partner doesn’t demand that you sacrifice your personal goals or endure endless tough times just to prove your devotion. Real love strengthens, not weakens.
4) Communication
Effective communication is the building block of any committed relationship. If you can’t have difficult conversations without things escalating, that’s a red flag. Successful relationships thrive on honest communication, not assumptions or silent resentment. A simple cup of coffee chat can sometimes fix what days of tension cannot.
5) Effort
They’re a lot of work, no, a lot of work. There will be conflicts, arguments, control issues, insecurities, and a load of other concerns. But if there’s one thing to know about relationships, it’s that how you handle them—without losing yourself—is what truly defines their strength.
6) Can’t fix each other
What you already have should be supplemented with a partner. A partner will not help you if you are running on empty in your spiritual or emotional view of yourself. That is codependency, and it is utterly terrible.
7) The honeymoon phase
The honeymoon or infatuation period lasts approximately 1-6 months. The longer it continues, the more likely you are in a toxic relationship with numerous “highs and lows.” Isn’t it exciting? It is possible, but it will drain your spirit over time.
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8) Toxicity
If you are toxic, you will locate a partner who is equally or more poisonous than you. While this whirlwind affair will be intense and entertaining at times, it is extremely harmful. And if you do not correct yourself, you will continue to have tumultuous relationships with new partners.
9) Become friends first
Create a friendship first, and proceed with caution. People are so willing to get in the sack and begin the relationship intensity at a 10, but it should begin slowly and gradually grow to a 10. Few, if any, relationships make it to the 8-10 range and stay there.
10) Don’t escape yourself
Relationship “hop” is not something to do. You are escaping yourself by chasing relationships, not your next perfect partner. You will never find a partner who will fill the void inside of you if you can’t be alone. You will, however, find a partner to keep your well dry.
11) Be in full control
To be honest, you never truly know someone. You believe you do, but you don’t. One of the crucial things to know about relationships is that self-sufficiency attracts the right partner—when you’re content with your own life, real connection follows naturally.
My Personal Take
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: most relationships don’t end because of one big betrayal or an explosive fight. They wither—slowly, painfully—because of the things we ignore. Needs that go unmet. Conversations we don’t have. Assumptions we cling to, hoping love will magically fill the gaps.
That’s exactly what the speaker in that seminar meant when they said, “Love doesn’t die. It erodes—one unmet need at a time.” And it hit me harder than I expected.
I saw it happen firsthand. A close friend of mine—let’s call her L.—was in what looked like the perfect relationship.
Social media-worthy dates, inside jokes, even that effortless chemistry people envy. But behind closed doors? She was exhausted. She felt unseen. Every time she tried to express what she needed, he’d dismiss it—“You’re overthinking. Everything’s fine.”
It wasn’t.
There are things to know about relationships that no one teaches us. One of them? Emotional neglect is just as damaging as outright conflict. L. wasn’t being cheated on or yelled at, but she was slowly shrinking into a version of herself that doubted if she was even worthy of being understood.
That’s when she did something most people don’t. Instead of hoping things would “just get better,” she got help. Not the kind that takes months of therapy or endless self-help books—but real, practical guidance from a coach who knew exactly what she was going through.
I always recommend Relationship Hero’s online coaching for this exact reason. It’s the fastest, most effective way to get results without the time and financial commitment of traditional one-on-one therapy. Their coaches are incredibly empathetic, insightful, and get straight to the root of your relationship struggles. If you’re tired of second-guessing, you can access an exclusive offer via my link and get tailored advice in minutes.
Because love shouldn’t be a guessing game. And the sooner you learn these 11 brutally honest truths about relationships, the sooner you stop settling for less than you deserve.
One last piece of advice
Write down the arguments you want to make and what you want to say before engaging in a difficult or uncomfortable conversation. One of the most important things to know about relationships is that clear, intentional communication prevents misunderstandings and helps you express yourself without regret.
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What if a relationship coach could help you?
Talking to a relationship coach can be very helpful if you are looking for specific advice regarding your situation.
This is something I have personally experienced…
When I was going through a tough patch in my relationship, I reached out to Relationship Hero. The insights they gave me into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track were invaluable for me after being lost in my thoughts for so long.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a website where highly trained relationship coaches guide people through difficult times in their love lives.
You can receive tailor-made advice for your specific situation within minutes by connecting with a certified relationship coach.
Despite being new to coaching, I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and helpful my coach was.
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