Is he the one? Don’t say ‘yes’ until you read these 21 not-so-obvious signs.

You’ve seen the movies, read the books, but let’s be real—love isn’t always tied up in a neat bow like Hollywood loves to pretend.

In fact, some of the strongest relationships don’t look or feel anything like the romantic comedies we’ve been fed.

Here’s what matters: the signs of lasting love can be subtle, even surprising.

And that’s what we’re diving into today.

I’m going to share 21 unexpected signs (and 3 bonus nuggets) that he’s the one—signs you probably haven’t even thought of before.

Let’s dig in!

1. He Challenges Your Beliefs—In a Good Way

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But shouldn’t we be on the same page about everything?”

Not really.

The reality is, healthy relationships thrive on growth, and sometimes that means a little friction.

My partner, Leo, once challenged my view on work-life balance.

I was the “burn the midnight oil” type, and he pushed me to take a step back and prioritize my mental health.

At first, I resisted.

But looking back, that push was exactly what I needed.

And the truth is, it’s not about agreeing all the time—it’s about learning from each other.

According to psychologists, couples who challenge each other constructively are more likely to grow together over time.

It’s like a muscle that strengthens with use.

So if he’s nudging you to rethink your perspectives (with kindness, of course), that might just be one of the best signs he’s in it for the long haul.

Growth isn’t always comfortable, but it’s necessary for a lasting relationship.

Tip: If he challenges your thinking, see it as an opportunity to grow rather than a sign of incompatibility.

2. Your Friends and Family Don’t Get It (And That’s Okay)

Here’s a myth: everyone you love has to love him too.

The truth? Not always.

Sometimes, the people closest to you just don’t see what you see—and that’s fine.

A friend of mine, Natalie, married a guy who her family thought was too quiet, even boring.

But Natalie adored his calm presence.

They’ve been together for 15 years now, and guess what?

He’s the steady rock she always knew he was.

Outside opinions can throw you off, but they don’t always know what’s best for you.

This happens more often than you think.

Research shows that differing opinions from friends and family can cause doubt, but when you trust your gut, the relationship can become even stronger.

The key is understanding that no one knows the relationship like you do.

If he makes you feel grounded and secure, that’s what matters, not your aunt’s side-eye at Thanksgiving dinner.

So when your friends don’t get why you’re head over heels for him, don’t panic.

Trust what you know deep down—that connection that just feels right.

Tip: Don’t let outside opinions dictate your relationship. Trust your own judgment over what others think.

3. He Doesn’t Try to Fix You—He Lets You Fix Yourself

Ever been with someone who immediately tries to swoop in and “fix” your problems?

Yeah, not great.

Real love isn’t about playing superhero—it’s about standing beside you while you work through your stuff.

My friend Anna, for example, was in a relationship where her boyfriend constantly tried to solve everything for her.

From career advice to how she handled friendships, he always had an answer.

Exhausting, right?

Contrast that with my partner, who, when I vent about a tough day, just listens.

No “here’s what you should do.”

He trusts me to handle it, which, ironically, gives me more strength to do exactly that.

Relationship resilience thrives when both people are allowed to be human—flawed, messy, and capable of growth.

According to Dr. John Gottman, one of the leading experts in relationship studies, it’s the support, not the solutions, that strengthen long-term bonds.

It’s like being in the gym—sometimes you just need someone to spot you, not do the lifting for you.

Tip: If he supports your growth without trying to control the outcome, that’s a sign he’s in it for the long run.

4. You Can Both Be Alone—Together

Let’s debunk a myth: constant togetherness doesn’t equal a perfect relationship.

Actually, a little space can be a sign of deep connection.

Case in point—Leo and I often have what we call “together-but-alone” time.

He’s reading in the living room while I’m writing in my office, and we’re both thriving.

It’s the freedom to be in the same space without needing to entertain each other that really shows we’re comfortable together.

Now, this can throw people off.

Some might think that not constantly hanging out means something’s wrong.

Wrong!

In fact, studies show that relationships where both people maintain their independence are healthier and last longer.

Think of it as coexisting harmoniously, like a well-made playlist where each song complements the next but doesn’t drown it out.

This kind of independence might surprise people, but it’s exactly what makes a relationship last.

After all, if you’re both happy doing your own thing, you’ll never feel suffocated, and you’ll cherish the time you do spend together even more.

Tip: If you can enjoy doing your own thing while being together, that’s a green flag for long-term love.

5. He’s Unapologetically Himself Around You

When a guy doesn’t feel the need to put on a show or impress you 24/7, that’s when you know things are real.

Let’s face it, nobody can keep up a performance forever.

One of my favorite moments with Leo was when he showed up to a casual dinner in sweatpants—actual sweatpants.

He didn’t feel the need to be anything but comfortable around me, and that’s a bigger deal than you’d think.

Authenticity is key to any solid relationship.

Pretending to be something you’re not will wear you down faster than a bad Netflix reboot.

I’ve worked with plenty of couples who, at first, thought their partner was “perfect,” only to discover the person they fell for was just an act.

Real connection only happens when both people can be 100% themselves—flaws and all.

And believe it or not, couples who embrace each other’s quirks are often the happiest.

So if he’s not trying to be “cool” or impress you all the time, he’s already showing that your relationship is built on something real.

Tip: If he’s comfortable being himself around you, quirks and all, that’s a sign of lasting authenticity.

6. He’s Got Dreams That Scare You

Here’s a surprising one: if his dreams make you a little nervous, that’s actually a good sign.

Ambition can be intimidating, no doubt.

I’ll never forget when Leo told me he wanted to quit his stable job and start his own business.

I was terrified.

But here’s the thing: his drive and passion were part of what drew me to him in the first place.

Supporting each other’s wild dreams—no matter how scary—can strengthen the relationship like nothing else.

Big dreams push both of you out of your comfort zone, but that’s where growth happens.

And let’s be real: being with someone who plays it safe all the time can get boring fast.

A study from the University of California showed that couples who support each other’s big ambitions tend to be more satisfied in their relationships long term.

So if his goals seem daunting, don’t panic.

Embrace the challenge.

Supporting each other’s dreams can be a key ingredient for a lifetime of excitement and growth.

Tip: If his dreams scare you a little, it means there’s room for both of you to grow—together.

7. You’re Not Afraid to Argue—But You Do It Right

Let’s face it—arguing isn’t a sign of doom.

In fact, if you’ve never had a disagreement, I’d be a little suspicious.

Conflict is natural.

What matters is how you handle it.

I remember a friend telling me about her relationship—one where everything looked perfect on the outside, but they never fought.

Turns out, that wasn’t a good thing.

When things finally boiled over, neither knew how to handle it.

Healthy arguing, though? It’s a game-changer.

Studies show that couples who argue constructively—without name-calling or personal attacks—tend to be more connected and satisfied in their relationships.

Why?

Because arguing, when done right, means you’re both comfortable enough to speak your mind and work through the tough stuff.

It’s about understanding, not attacking.

Sure, bickering over where to go for dinner isn’t a deep conversation, but if you can talk through bigger issues with respect, you’re golden.

Tip: If you argue but still feel respected and heard, you’re on the right path.

8. He’s Not Your ‘Type’—And That’s Exactly Why It Works

We all think we have a “type,” right?

Until someone totally different walks into our lives and blows that idea to pieces.

I’ve seen this happen with so many friends—and even myself.

Whether it’s dating someone quieter when you’re the loud one, or someone who’s super outdoorsy when your idea of nature is watching “Planet Earth,” those differences often end up being the magic.

When you step outside your type, you’re not just choosing someone new—you’re growing as a person.

Maybe he’s not what you imagined in high school, but who really sticks with those ideas anyway?

Psychologists actually say breaking free of your “type” can lead to a stronger, more balanced relationship.

It pushes you to think differently, experience new things, and embrace parts of yourself you didn’t even know were there.

Tip: If he’s nothing like the guy you imagined, that might just mean he’s exactly what you need.

9. He’s Got Flaws That Don’t Bother You (Anymore)

No one’s perfect, and honestly, that’s a relief.

Real love isn’t about finding someone who ticks every box—it’s about accepting the quirks, the flaws, the little habits that used to drive you nuts but now just feel like part of the package.

My friend Kate once told me how her husband’s habit of leaving socks all over the house used to make her crazy.

Now? It’s almost endearing. Almost.

The point is, when you really love someone, their flaws stop being deal-breakers and just become part of who they are.

That’s when you know things are serious.

According to Dr. Brené Brown, true connection happens when you’re vulnerable and open about imperfections.

It’s not about changing them—it’s about loving them, flaws and all.

When you stop trying to “fix” someone, you’re really saying, “I accept you as you are,” and that’s huge.

Tip: If his flaws no longer get under your skin, you’re on your way to something deep and lasting.

And now… things are about to get juicier!

CONTINUE TO POINT 10 OF THE LIST >>

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